My unusual Walmart visit

Several nights ago, I made a quick run to my local Walmart. When I entered the parking lot, the very first thing I noticed were the mass amount of luxury vehicles sitting comfortably in front of Walmart. I don't believe I have ever seen that many luxury cars parked in a Walmart center. It was a surprise to me. So I parked my car in between my homies, Benz and Saab, and made my way across the lot to the Walmart entrance. As I trot my way along, I was taking count of how many luxury vehicles I had walked past (yes, I was that intrigue with this unusual event). Then I pass by some guy, who looked to be around my age, sitting in the trunk of his Mazda.

He calls out to me. "Aye yo, would you like to buy some sunglasses? Versace, Gucci, Vuitton, Coach, Fendi, Baby Phat..."

His list of (most likely, fake) designer goods were rather long. I told him I wasn't interested and continued to make my way along while he was still naming off the brands of sunglasses.

Then he yells out, "How about a black man?"

I stopped dead in my tracks, spun around to face him with a look of confusion on my face. I walked towards him, slowly (I was already pretty far from him since I have this habit of speed-walking), with a dumbfounded expression on my face. Once I was at a safe distance from him that was enough for me to speak without yelling and far enough to run away if the need arises, I politely told him, "No thank you. I can only afford to feed myself, so I cannot buy a black man from you tonight."

Smirking with cleverness from my (stupid) response, I turned to walk my usual fast pace walk, he shouts after me, "I know you don't got a black man at home. You gon need one real soon."

Ignoring him, I continued to walk. I forget to say my usual "hello" to the customer service rep that stands at the entry door since I was too busy thinking about what he just said. Why am I going to need a black man “real soon”? Let alone, why do I need a man? That was unusual. Anyway... I reEaaaAAAaallllly had to pee. So I hit the banos and saw the MOST DISGUSTING BATHROOM EVER!!!!

I have never seen Walmart's bathroom THAT dirty. Yes, it is usually dirty, but not as dirty as it was that night. All the toilets had "stuff" in it, in which someone(s) did not flush. So I go to the far end stalls on the left to check which looked cleanest and settled on the second stall on the far left. I flushed the nasty "stuff" and use triple-multiple seat coverings and squat as I did my business. No way in HECK am I going to place my bare bottom on that filthy seat, regardless of how many toilet seat coverings I had packed on. With the bathroom looking as trashy as ever, I noticed that the bathroom smelled rather pleasant. Like... spices and pine nuts and happy raccoons. As I pondered that, I looked up and saw a huge red net sack with pine cones in them. Yes, very decorative for such a filthy bathroom. At least it didn’t smell like shit.

As I was finishing up my business (I drink a lot of liquids, so I usually pee for that long), I hear two ladies walk in and exclaiming about how filthy the bathroom was. So yes, the bathroom was filthy and it wasn't just me and my clean standards judging Walmart. Something’s up at Walmart.

I walked out of the stalls and did my hand washing routine for 30 seconds and one of the ladies is looking into the first stall on the right.

She sees me looking at her and shouts “Come see this!”

Shrugging, I walk over to her show-and-tell. She uses her middle finger and points to the left side of the toilet. There on the floor besides the toilet were a huge-mongo amount of toilet paper, but sitting proudly on top of that huge-mongo amount of toilet paper was…

… a huge ball of toilet paper covered in brownish-green goo.

There goes my dinner. I ended up barfing in the sink. Thank goodness the sink was automatic because it washed away the evidence I had for dinner (I eat too much junk food). Seriously, what was wrong with this bathroom that night? I checked the cleaning schedule and saw that it was cleaned at least 3 hours from the time I was using it. I thanked the lady and walked out of the bathroom while she exclaims over the cleaning schedule.

That was unusual. I’ve never seen that bathroom in that state. I’m glad it didn’t stink! Well, my visit to Walmart ended as a happy one. I picked up the items that fell under my shopping list: witch hazel, toothpaste, mouth rinse, bikini wax, baby oil, reese’s whopper, loti-… wait a minute. What is this? Ensure? Ensure on sale?! Holy moly! Is it close to it’s expiration date? No. Well then. Better stock up on that good stuff! YUM.

So my Walmart visit was rather unusual, don't you think?