what is it with you???

I asked myself that this very evening when I was finally in solitary. Wasn't it just last year? Perdoneme, almost a year ago, the year has not yet ended. That was then. I thought I knew how my future would pan out. Everything should go according to how I envisioned it from the moment I officially became an independent adult. Is it wrong that I am questioning myself now? Then and there, feelings of my old image is resurrecting; I am unsure and confused. "I thought I got rid of you?!" I exclaimed as I stared into the mirror, at face with my old image. I thought I was done with all that unsureness and confusion up to this date. Why am I questioning myself now? More importantly, why now? I honestly thought that life would go according to how I had anticipated it. Today, I am unsure and confused. Apparently, life is funny like that. Things do change. Quickly, too. I'm not accustomed to change. I don't fare very well in change. Even my body can't adjust to sudden abrupt changes in weather (which is why I have been so frighteningly ill this past week). So now you know, I don't take change very lightly.

Change.

It's that word. The word that completely flipped my, then, world around. That complacency I had. The comfort of knowing. The schedules, the habits, the peacefulness, the predictability, and again, that luxury of my keen mental perception and understanding in my seemingly, then, perfect world. Also, the sheer dullness of it all. The dullness that I had once enjoyed. Then, I was not the eager person to chuck my planner out the window. Then, everything was planned, always scribbled, created into an agenda, made times for everyone and everything. Nothing can be changed once planned. 

Little did I know what I know now of the outcome. More like, my outcome. Why do I feel that the world just quickly caught up with me. The world is having it's downfall, but before that, I already had my downfall. My downfall? Just an emotional one. What am I rambling about that's gotten me so worked up? I'll ponder on that some more as I drift away to dreamland. Maybe I'll find some calmness there as opposed to the chaos I've stirred up. Then again, my dreams will forever be unsure and confused.